Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
