Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Congratulations! We have a period
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize