Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I'm determined to sit on that face.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
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