So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
