Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I lost the right to judge tonight
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize