Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize