You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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