The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
