ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
