it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
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