i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize
