Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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