I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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