I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
