He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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