He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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