i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
