You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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