Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
