I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
