I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Randomize
