I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
He is such a slut. More and more my type.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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