So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
Porn is love you can see.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
