Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Randomize
