Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize