he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
i love accidental penises.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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