I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
