I'm going to rape someone's good day.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
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