I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
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