I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
