you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Randomize