Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
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