My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
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