just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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