let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize
