Who did Billy Mays play for?
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
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