She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
