I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
