I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize