oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
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