CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize