you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
It's never too late to be topless.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
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