People in love make me want to vomit
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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