this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Randomize
