i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Just pee around me
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
