Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
