I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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