this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
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