no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
