It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
party gras won. party gras always wins.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
