after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
