I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
