Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
