the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
This is the prime rib incident all over again
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Randomize
