I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
