so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
