For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
