Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
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