shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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