I got her a Nickelback box set.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
