My brain says no but my pants say off.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
