I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Randomize
