I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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