I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Did I show you my penis last night?
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
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