I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
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