Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
I'm having to shit out rocks
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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