If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize
