it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I have already put on my inside pants.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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