I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Is Oprah even human
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
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