drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
