Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
We talked him into tasing himself.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
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