Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
