we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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