She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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