She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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