They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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