The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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