we have pet lesbian snakes
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Randomize
